I'm back but how long will it last....

Here we go again, almost a year later I pick this up again. I'll try to stick with it this time. I've spent the last year on a crazy schedule and have been working on evolving toward becoming enlightened. My adventures have gotten less fantastic and more calculated. Things will soon change though....

Red Letter Date In History

As a kid, the date October 26th only had one significant meaning to me: that was the date Marty McFly was trying to get back to in the future.

Now, it has new significant meaning: its the date I left my girlfriend on last year and its rapidly approaching. Its been a roller coaster year revolving around this decision. Some days I wanted to call her or drive over and reconcile, even though I knew that if it was like playing with fire when we were together the first time, it would have likely been an inferno if we got back together.

I'm sure she's moved on with her life and I thought I did the same. Until today anyway. I found an old voice memo on my phone with just her end of a conversation. I remember right after the break up and I was in my depressive-self torture moods, frantically trying to find a voice mail she left me before the break up just to listen to it and make myself feel worse. To my surprise, my provider deletes all voice mails after a certain amount of time.

Somehow, this 4 minute voice memo was on my phone for over a year without me knowing it, and I found it today and listened to it. It was good to hear her voice and laugh but I knew that I needed to delete it and the pictures I had taken to finally get any sense of closure. So, with much reluctance, that's what I finally did. In less than 30 days I will reach that red letter date and hopefully, it won't phase my obsessive compulsive mind.

Discourse amongst friends

ha ha ha you are now one of my blog entries. You make such a good student. hugs and kisses, The Professor. Professor, I write to you in these chaotic times, not to quell my mercurial thoughts; rather for the first time in several fortnights they are substantially vapid. I am quite antagonized by the youth today and their apathetic nuances. If it's not sheer apathy it's destruction and debauchery. The state of the nation is at unrest. The universe as we know it is unraveling. Great Scott! Something must be done! Those misbegotten youth of today have no idea what it was like during the 20th century. Have we not learned from history? Countless times it repeats itself as Mr. Satayana was right. It seems my worst presentiment is about to transpire. What of the days when a young lad had long hair or green liberty spikes? Now the new creature has to sport an emo haircut and write catchy pop songs about girls that don't even exist that are little more than a soundtrack for the other bitterly hopeless, disenfranchised youth to induce a toxic state of mind. It's music to slit your wrists to. It's only a matter of time before someone utilizes that as a slogan. On the plus side there will be one less whiney kid out there trying to get attention from a female who doesn't even know he's alive and maybe, just maybe if we're lucky we'll save a few trees in the process by eradicating the need to mass produce so many facial tissues. I sincerely hope our discourse has been thought provoking; let your cult, er, disciples....students, if you will, continue to wallow in their recreancy and maybe you'll be able to retire. If the youth of today are our future leaders, God save our souls. Veritably avowed, ******** >Yes, it would be a shame is someone was unintelligible to the point of >asking what your closing meant. Curse those with an average vocabulary, >which by the way, creates a limitation on some socialites. Even though >some may believe you to be a little on the fastidious side of social >structure, I still hold you with high reverence. Do not allow contrition >to deter you from expanding your vocabulary. I applaud you good sir, as a >person, not a ronkey. > >Humbly devout > The Professor. > >***** wrote: I have to agree. I went >through both of them and was like: "wow...that was >clever" or "fuck...dude i need a life" > >You're the first person to ever comment on my closing and I've had it for 9 >months. > > >However, whatever critisism I receive from hoodlums like yourself, I do not >let it agitate me. I know it's a ploy, you know it's a ploy, but it's an >effective ploy because, most people don't know what it means, and are >definately not going to reply with : "what does that mean?" lest they sound >like a complete Ronkey. > > >Veritably avowed, > >--****** > > > > > > >From: The Professor > >To: ******* > >Subject: Re: your blog > >Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2007 09:08:38 -0700 (PDT) > > > >I am not sure that I have much of an audience for my blog. However, I >will > >admit that it was extremely funny. Reading some of my old posts even >cause > >me to laugh. I was such an ass. By the way, your closing of you e-mail, > >"Veritably avowed", is for the most part ostentatious. lol. > > > >***** wrote: > >Heya Professor, > > > > Looks like you still have an audience.

Discourse amongst friends

I find it rather amusing that ten years ago, people looked at us--the punk rockers--as wasting our time and efforts. In some ways they were right but wrong in others. Punk taught us all something. Especially when it came full circle from where it started initially in the 70's to the corporate mainstream in the 90's revival.

There was much debate about "selling out" and "posing" and the like that could easily fill archives devoted to each with pages and pages of examples. Biographies coupled with discographies would make a multi volume set, but each alone and independent would also easily accomplish this.

So today, we have come full circle yet again. Us veteran punkers now look upon the youth like our predecessors did unto us and sigh. What is this world coming to? Sure, we can appreciate the need for individuality as much or more so than the next guy, but is it true individuality when it's practically a uniform? We fell into that trap too. So did those before: grunge, metal heads, (shudder: "ughh") disco, the hippies, and even the greasers.

It's nothing new. Somehow the youth eventually grow up and inherit the world. Our generation is getting closer and closer by the day which is a scary thought in itself, but look at the generation we're going to leave it to as heirs. God save the queen, she ain't no human being.

Even neanderthals can grow up...

Has it been a while or what? After struggling with trying to guess what frame of mind I was in during the height of my dillegent rants in an effort to recall my password for what seemed like an eternity, I was drawn to read my own posts. In some ways it feels like I wrote them only yesterday, whereas it was actually a year ago and plenty has changed in the meantime.

I've long since moved on from the job I had constantly dispensed seething and loathing scribblings about. I shortly thereafter started majoring in Criminal Justice (yeah, I know, I was shocked too) and have consistently managed to be on the Honors' List (shocked again). I broke up with my girlfriend (I owe you a proper amends), learned the reality of "un-manageability", and finally started to make progress as a human being.

Did I mention I finally got my motorcycle license around this time last year? Ok, so now I have the boots, jacket, helmet and license but my insurance company won't let me get coverage until next year. It would be completely asinine to get a bike in the interim. I also no longer have my shaggy mane. I cut that long ago as well. I was forced to be clean shaven for the first four months of the year (long story) but have grown my beard at least 5 times since, simply because I had side-line gigs that I needed to look either respectable or innocent.

The moral of the story is that I've made a lot of changes and finally stopped struggling with the fact that I'm not 17 anymore and it's time to start acting like my real age, which is 30, plus or minus three depending on the day or sometimes even the hour.

About Due A Friggin' Update

Yeah, it's been awhile. A lot of shit has been coming down the pike lately. Things are generally on the bright side for a change. However, the change is starting to take it's toll and I'm not as able to do the things I enjoy as often as I would like, for example: writing this blog, playing guitar or jerking off. That's how you know you're truly busy. Or really lazy.

I'm heading in a new direction as of late. For the first time in my life, I actually feel like a productive member of society. I hope it lasts.

Pay the Toll

I think my 120 mph lifestyle has finally started to catch up with me. For the first time, the pressure of barely getting in my hours in at the last possible minute (literally) didn't appeal to my sense of motivation yesterday. I think I'm burning out and it's starting to take a toll on me.

The thing that jerks my fuckin' tentacles (to paraphrase the ICP song) is that in my circle of friends, I'm the positive one. I never would have thought that could be possible since I'm constantly a brooding, cynical, neurotic, and sarcastic mess myself.

Losing My Fucking Mind

I must be losing my fucking mind. I finally caved and cut my hair a couple of days ago. I lasted exactly 7 months to the day with out a hair cut. It does look more professional, as I'm hoping to fill the supervisor position soon.

I do still have the bangs down to my mouth, so it's not a total waste of time and effort. Regardless of the outcome, either getting the job or not, I'm going to start growing the beard and hair back at some point.

I was going to originally go in with long hair, it would exude confidence, is what I thought. Then I started mind fucking myself over and over thinking about the "What if?" game. I decided that it is, after all only hair, and it looked like shit, and didn't really take that long to grow, why not cut it.

Besides, I think this is just a passing phase to remind me why I was growing my hair in the first place. Much like when I accidently "knicked" my beard off.

Oh well, it will be semi-long again by Christmas.