My 1993 Dream Girl

Wow. Has it been that long? 1993 was, 13 years ago and I was 13. That's half my life ago. This dame was on my mind a lot back then thanks to Aerosmith's videos, "Cryin'", "Amazing" and "Crazy". Thanks to her I also became a fan of Aerosmith (which I probably would have anyway, because "Livin' on the Edge" was cool even though it didn't have a hot chick, just freaky Edward Furlong. Ok, tangent town....back to....)

Alicia Silverstone!



Ok so this whole thing is the Professor's fault. He conjured up my long lost desire for this dame. I nearly forgot about her. I only admit this as a testament of how much this chick had a grip on me for a few years. I would say that I only watched Clueless with the sound off, but that's a bloody lie. Damn, I'll probably never live this one down. Wait a minute, fuck that. You saw it too!

So it turns out that I was wrong. (Wierd, huh?) She's not one year older she's like 3.5 years, if that, older than me. So what? I'm pretty fuckin' mature for my age. I'm 26 going on 8. Not bad, eh?

Anyway, my all time favorite Alicia is in the "Amazing" video. First of all, she's hot. Second of all, I could relate to the geek who creates her in virtual reality. I'm still waiting for that technology. I barely leave the house now, what will become of me? I got a feeling my dick will probably get raw and shrivel. Single life sucks.

I do like this quote from Alicia:

"I don't feel like a dream girl, but I think it's really nice. I guess a part of me wishes I got that sort of attention in my real life. Because in my real life, I'm this weird, dorky girl who just hangs out with her dog."

I still think she's hot. I'd be her regular hound dog. ( By the way, speaking of hound dogs, does anyone know what the name of that howling hound dog cartoon that guy from the Mask was watching?)

Drinking and drugging

Here's what I miss about my drinking and drugging days:

• Lightning fast math skills at closing time. ("Yeah dude, it's too late to make it to the liqour store and we didn't think far enough ahead to buy booze before coming to the bar at happy hour, so let's buy a case at the bar. It's like $45 bucks but it's a deal! You got ten in, I got five, she's got ten, here's another ten, pony up another three bucks dude and we're set!)

• Good judgement. (If she's a 2 at 10, she'll be a 10 at 2)

• Always having an alibi. (i.e, "Man, I was so wasted last night. Sorry I fucked your girlfriend dude. I don't remember a thing.")

• Smoking someone eles' weed even though you have plenty of your own.

• Puking! (This can be fun. You can puke in odd places and leave your mark. Fish tanks, chicks' purses, the case of beer in the fridge, just get creative and make it work for you)

Here's what I don't miss about my drinking and drugging days:

• Hang overs.
  

• Being broke.

• DUIs

• Waking up with the 2 that I thought was a 10.

• Taking a shit and having the urge to puke at the same time. (Serious fuckin' dilema).

• Busted knuckles or busted nose.

• Red eyes.
  

Susceptible to the female persuasion

I'm damn proud of myself as of late. The old me would instantly do just about anything a chick suggested if I thought it would get me some tail. Not now, my friends. Now the only stupid advice I take is my own.

Following is an example of THEN:

HER: "I think you should cut your hair on a whim this instant even though you've been growing it out for 14 months...."

ME: "Ok, do you have any scissors?"

And NOW: (replete with translation)

HER: "I think you should cut your hair on a whim this instant even though you've been growing it out for 14 months...." TRANSLATION: "I know we're not dating, but I still want to change you. Actually, I want to test you. If you cut your hair I will never date you because you are such a pushover. I need a strong man. One to protect me. It will be interesting to see if I have power over you or not. If you don't cut your hair I'll just want you more, blah....blah....blah....blah...."

ME: Stock answer number one: "Only if you cut yours first"
Stock answer number two: "Am I gonna get some pussy out of this?"
Stock answer number three: "What? Are you completely nuts?"
Stock answer number four: "Fuck NO!"

And gentlemen, if you're old ball and chain complains about you growing a beard (Ah, see I mentioned it again) tell the fat crusty bitch that she can grow her own if it suits her.

Then again, maybe you shouldn't take dating advice from a single guy.

Lame attempt at humor....

Beard.

Deterrent Theory

Here's a quick update on my deterrent theory. As you may know, I am conducting a two week study on what happens with the amount of "winks" I receive now that I've changed my dating dating site's profile picture.

Today is day two and as of yesterday I have received two "winks". This is down from normal when my clean shaven pic was up.

Anyway, it was brought to my attention that I can not stop talking about my beard. I aim to make this post beard free. Damn. So much for that.

Nightmares

I'm one of the few people I know who actually remember my dreams. Usually, they are so sinister and heavily dosed with what I'm dealing with in real life that they leave me feeling discontent when I wake up. I pretty much have a nightmare every night, and 9 times out of 10 it's about my real life. No wonder I'm an insomniac and need sleeping pills.

It's like my real life often feels surreal, but my dreams are so vivid that I feel like they're actually happening. Maybe my sub-conscious is trying to tell me not just something, but a lot.

Oddly enough though I wouldn't catagorize the dream I had last night as a nightmare, even though it started that way and had all the comprising elements in place to make it qualify as one.

I'm not going to try and blow smoke up anyone's ass and try to make it seem that I'm a bad ass.

I have a hero complex and usually in my dreams I come through valiantly. However, this dream last night wasn't a dream of anything that happened before, such as a flash back. I sometimes have dreams about events a week ahead of time, and this one was too illogical of a scenerio to be some future event. But, the point is, I ended up being a pascifist, although that's really just a euphimism for coward.

Now that's scary. Not quite a nightmare, but it did leave an un-easy feeling when I woke up.

Hell bent on self destruction

I'm starting to feel that urge to self destruct again. It happens like clock work everytime I finally start getting my shit together and grounded back to reality. I've been noticing the signs a lot lately but chose to ignore them.

This time though, I plan on circumventing the usual pattern and doing something else. Hell, my best thinking got me here, right? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

So far so good though, I didn't get sucked into a relationship, one of my ultimate weaknesses. And I didn't just quit my job on a whim like usual. I just need to get my priorities straight and keep checking that azimuth. Fuck dude, I got problems. But that's the first step, is admiting you have a problem in the first place.

Fake smile

This chick I work with has a camera on her phone (these days who doesn't?) and took my picture tonight. I tried to smile but she told me it was such a fake smile. I agree. But, at least I smiled. That would not have happened 6 months ago.

So, maybe I need to start perfecting my fake smile. Since I'm a narcissist anyway, and constantly looking in the mirror, perhaps I can hone my skills to effectively give a convincing fake smile.

That's it! Armed with this new information, I now know why I haven't taken over the world yet. Soon I will. I'm eligible to be president in 2016. This is such a bad idea....

...count me in!

The bitter end

They're really starting to lay the law down at work lately. I think my days are numbered. It's complete chaos and madness there, I tell you.

The way things sound, the retention rate is going to fluctuate. It's not just me, pretty much everyone is irresponsible in general. So, I'm not really surprised that the hammer is coming down.

I suppose it's either time to kick it into gear to avoid being the nail in this analogy. But even then, there's no guarantee. It might be time to move on.

In my particular quagmire, I have a job that I am decent at and it's easy. Too easy really. It just drives me freakin' insane.

I was just doing a bit of research on the different jobs available and have come to a few conclusions:

1) I am not qualified for a lot of jobs I'm interested in.
2) The jobs I'm qualified for and interested in, I can't get past the background check.
3) The jobs I'm qulified and can pass the background check on, I'm not interested.

So, that means I better start liking this job, get qualified and stop bitching or else move on to a shitty job.

Another couple of things I have against me are my refusal to cut my hair and shave. I know, my hair is not going to pay the bills. Maybe I'll go up the street and see if I can apprentice to be a tattoo artist. Shit I got the gun, I got the tats. This is my fuckin' resume.

Damn, why is unemployment so easy?

No reply

As I mentioned in a previous post, I kept getting all these "winks" via email from these women on a dating site I signed up for a long time ago.

They were winking at my old picture in which, I was wearing a suit, had a clean shave and shorter slicked back hair.

I decided to delve into my sick mind and try to recover the password. I did. Then I changed the primary picture to the one on this site in an effort to test my theory of deterrence.

I was averaging about 4 winks a day. As of today, nothing to report. I'll let it run it's course for a couple of weeks and see if my theory can be graduated to the next level: the law of deterrence.

On the other hand though, I'm still stuck with my computer generated women from the dating site hypothesis.

Either way, in two weeks time you can expect that I will post my findings and either elevate the hypothesis to theory, or the theory to law.

Yeah, I know, I'm a geek; poorly disguised with a rock and roll facade.

The talented Mr. L

I'm a very grandiose individual. One of my top 5 strengths is Ideation. I'm constantly thinking. That's also a symptom of Bipolar disorder.

If I could just stop thinking about the future so much and live in the here and now, wake up and smell the coffee and stop to smell the roses instead of my feet once in awhile, I might be a less brooding man.

But I like the brood. I get these fantastic ideas, and set about on my way to accomplish them, then I either get another idea or get bored of the first idea and then I stop what I'm doing and start something new. (Yeah, that sounds like a Cheap Trick lyric).

Meanwhile, I'm constantly setting myself up to fail. Expectation leads to disapointment. Sure, you can learn a great deal from failure, and turn it into success. Look at Thomas Edison.

The thing is, success scares me more than failure. I'm sure though, one of these days I'm going to wake up 70 and be full of regret if I don't get off my ass soon.

Star Wars

I don't know which would have been worse: being a Star Wars fan as a kid or getting converted as an adult?

I saw Return of the Jedi when I was 7 or 8 years old and thought it was mind-numbingly boring. (This was in '88, when it was pretty close to when it came out, and before I was desensitized by the look of films of the 90's and whatever the fuck decade this is)

I never understood the Star Wars craze when the first two prequels came out. My stock answer was "Fuck Star Wars" when someone would mention it.

Last year, Episode III came out. I saw the trailers on TV and was curious as to how Vader got into the suit. So, I decided to go ahead and watch all the movies, as they came out. And to my surprise by the time I was done I actually enjoyed them.

So began my fascination for the next year. I got the video games, I checked the boards, and couldn't stop talking about it.

It also helps that Padme is hot, Obi wan is a bad ass, and I can relate to Anakin on the good side vs the dark side.

Back to my original rhetoric: which would be worse? I was already a weird kid, would it have made me wierder? It's pretty bad that I'm a grown ass man now and still enjoy the fantasy realm.

Thanks a lot George Lucas.

S.S.D.D

Same shit, different day. Every night I plan on getting up early and actually doing something the next day it's always the same thing, sleep late, sit around drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, dreading and procrastinating going to work.

They have a word for what I have: laziness.

It's a viscous cycle though, and tough to break. It is said that if you can do something for three weeks straight, it becomes a habit. That's easier said than done.

Maybe tommorrow will be different. Now I'm delusional.

When will I ever learn?

I have no idea how or why I thought I could be a sucessful business leader. All I've ever done is break the rules and try to buck the system. Business in general has a lot of rules. Some are OSHA mandated. Others are guidelines that seem to be set in stone. The first that springs to mind is the stigma against beards and long hair. Where did the standard thinking come into practice? For now I'll leave this one alone.

The other three are:

1) Don't date/etc subordinates
2) Don't date/etc superiors
3) Don't date/etc co-workers

Obviously, all three can get you into hot water if you're not careful. Actually, even if you are careful you could still end up in deep shit.

The scenerio that you're the boss and start downloading your hard drive into your favorite female employee's docking station is a recipe for disaster. All it takes is one person to get wise and it's over. That's not even taking into account that you piss her off. Which you will eventually. That or she'll realize someday that your a jackass and get greedy....scratch that. She's already 6 steps ahead of you.

Another chance to play with fire is dating your boss. You might get choice assignments, breaks on hours, a raise, promotion, whatever. All is good until you wind up on her shit list. Kiss your weekends goodbye.

The less dangerous of the three is dating co-workers. But, again jelousy stems quit easily in a co-ed work environment. And even if things are going well, what happens when that hot new temp starts working there?

But, even if it's just simple flirting turned infatuation, it's just as messy when she quits or gets fired. It's pretty sad really when the only reason you go to work is because of a co-worker.

Been there, done that, and it sucks. I can't wait until my beard is like Grizzly Adams' and I actually start to deter women for a while. I might actually get some fucking work done for a change.

And here's an update. I finally figured out what my password was to that dating site and changed my primary picture to the one I have on here. Let's just test my deterent theory and computer generated women hypothesis, shall we?

Hate mail

I liked what the Professor wrote in his blog about writing his own comments and wish I could say the same for me. I've gotten a pretty good amount of hate mail in my time. Not on this blog but my old site.

But, for every ten pieces of hate mail, I usually got some nudes from the feakiest of women from 3rd world countries asking me to be their husband. The only reason I mention this shit is because it's happened more than twice.

My downfall

I think I think too much. No, that's not a mistake. I cannot stop thinking even for a minute. It's not thinking that would be of any use either, such as an invention of creating perpetual energy or curing cancer. No, it's pretty much that my mind is going a million miles per hour and I never actually stop. That's probably why I start a lot of different projects, but never finish them. This is my biggest potential for downfall.

My second is women. They got a spell on me, that's for sure. I can pretty much attribute all the hardship in my life to women. It's not their fault, but they were the primary motivivator.

Attraction

So apparently all these women are "winking" at me from a dating site I joined a long time ago and forgot my password to. I keep getting these in my email. It's cool I suppose because some of them are hot, which boost my esteem ever so slightly. The problem is they're responding to my clean cut picture: wearing a suit and sans beard and slicked back short hair.

I'm sure if I posted a bearded picture, to prove my theory of deterrent, maybe my inbox wouldn't be so flooded.

On the other hand, maybe they're not really "women" at all. Perhaps they are computer generated from the dating site, who carefully scour my desires and create the perfect match for me. Instead of just one dream girl, Ihave hundreds of dream girls to choose from.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. Cue the music.

Generic Rant

Ok. I was supposed to be at work 3 hours ago. I got sucked in watching this thing with time travel and that killed two hours.

I knew I was doomed from the start. I figure I'll go in take a quick power shower, brush my fangs and get to work....eventually.

It's just so easy though to sit around in my bath robe, drinking cofee and smoking cigarettes. Now I see why I ran my company into the ground. I'm sure the booze and drugs helped a little too.

The Rum Diary

I just finished reading Hunter S. Thompson's "The Rum Diary". At first I thought it might jeapordize my sobriety because as the title suggests it's pretty much a story about decadence. I remember my days of decadence and would even long for them at times, but I also remember the bad times too...

All in all it was a pretty good read. I got to live vacariously through the main character Paul Kemp, who is a lot like me, even though he's 31. I could relate to a lot of the stuff that happened in that book.

By the time it was over though, I realized that somewhere I had crossed that invisible line of being a party animal to an alcoholic, which I've known for awhile. I finished reading and felt at peace that my life isn't chaos like that anymore. After awhile the chaos gets boring.

It's about 200 pages and it's a quick read, definately worth checking out.

You said if I came in late for another shift, you'd fire me.

Frank Pierce: You said if I came in late for another shift, you'd fire me.
Captain Barney: I'll fire you tomorrow.

A classic quote from "Bringing out the Dead". Nicolas Cage always plays quite disturbed characters. And I can relate to that.

Anyway, everytime I try to quit my job, my old manager says something that sparks me into gear again. Last night, I was telling her that discipline and responsiblilty are not in my top five strengths.

She said they were probably in my top ten, namely 6 and 7. Apparently she sees more to me than I do. I politely agreed when she cited some examples and went about my buisiness.

It's not so much that I hate my job, or the people I work with, it's the people I deal with. And it's just too easy not to go to work.

Too long and not long enough

Alright, I knew it would be a long awkward stage in growing my hair long, especially since I started with just stubble on my head as the aftermath of a hair cut I didn't want or need in the Army.

I got my last "high and tight" three days before I got out on St. Patrick's Day in 2005. From that point on, I let the top and bangs grow. Every couple of months or so I would go in and get the sides and back tapered, just so I didn't end up with a mullet.

The problem with that is, every time I would go in, the chick would be like, "We should really even up your bangs". Everytime I would let her.

I got my last hair cut in December of 2005, and the back and sides are growing out curly. I'm probably right in the middle of that awkward stage.

Hair grows on average a half an inch a month. So according to my sagatious calculations, I should have semi-long hair by September.

I honestly can't beleive I've stuck with it this long, but then again, if I might go bald, I might as well play with it while I got it.

The worst part is though, it actually is longer than it looks because my hair is so wavy.

Oh well, it's all in the name of rock and roll. And as the Cars' "Good times roll" lyric states: "Brush your rock and roll hair."

Damn September isn't going to come soon enough.

Bike bug

Yeah, I got the bike bug hard now. I've wanted a motorcycle since I was a kid, and living near Sturgis back then it was cool to see all that chrome and leather. On the other hand, it just made it worse though, since I could not afford a bike back then.

Actually, I still can't but eventually...

I know absolutely nothing about bikes. All I know is I want one. Which one? I dunno. Here's the ones I don't want and various reasons.

A crotch rocket. Reason why not? Because I would kill myself on one. Too fast for me, and I guarantee I would see how fast that is.

A touring bike. Sure, you could pack some clothes and stuff with it, but the look of the thing doesn't suit me.

A chopper. Beleieve me, they are very cool looking indeed, but since I've never even rode a bike before, I don't want to dump the damn thing right off the bat.

I could just see me at the dealership, getting asked if I know how to ride and saying, "Oh yeah...I've been riding for years". Then hopping on and spilling not 10 feet away. That would be a guaranteed sale.

Since Harley's are so expensive, even used ones, I'll try to find a really cheap Kawasaki or something that does not look like a crotch rocket or a dirt bike and make do with that.

I suppose I should go take that safety course first though. I'd rather wreck their bike than mine.

The Professor is back

Well, it seems through a bit of arm twisting, the Professor is back to posting. You're welcome. I've known him since 1993 and though he comes off as an un-caring jerk, he means well. This is what happens when you let cousins mate.

Anyway, you can check out his postings in my links section.

Disgruntled employee pleads insanity due to rat race

You know, I'm actually surprised the killing sprees due to disgruntled employees aren't more frequent than they are. I'm reminded of the two seperate postal workers in two seperate states going, well, postal on the same day, May 6th 1993. What are the odds of that happening? Out of just 365 days even?

I'm not really trying to be morbid here, but if you think about it: do you actually like your job? I'm willing to bet not for a large percentage of the population. Now, really how many people are angry or dissatisfied enough to justify killing anyone or even just seeking attention by waving a gun around. Not too many, except the obvious cases we've heard about in the news.

However, I'm willing to bet that the idea has crossed a lot more minds than people will admit. When I was in 8th grade my teacher got shot, but wasn't killed. This was my small town's 15 minutes of fame in 1993.

Three years later I thought about wasting a few choice individuals myself. That's not something a lot of people will admit either. Just because I thought about it and had a plan didn't mean I actually went through with it.

This was still before Columbine. That happened when I was nearing graduation as a senior in high school.

I can see why people would snap. One never knows exactly what might set the other guy off into a killing spree. That's why they say don't step on anyone's toes. But, if you do, what if he's got a gun? So what? That's why you have one too.

Our crime rate would probably drop to zero if everyday citizens were issued hand guns. If someone starts acting like and idiot and starts waving it around or shooting, BLAM! 50 other people in the room will pull out theirs and problem solved.

Now that's homeland security. Long live the Second Amendment.

How NOT to pick up chicks

I am no expert at playing the field. In fact, rejection ought to be my middle name. (I'm currently filling out the paperwork).

Here's some pretty common sense advice about what not to do. Sadly enough, I have done most of it, thinking the whole time I was suave.

• Call them dames, chicks, broads, sluts and so on (sure some dig this, but they are psychos)
• Call them psychos
• Call them way too much (this also applies to email and text and instant messaging)
• Bad mouth other people. This shows arrogance, not confidence.
• Act like a "metro-sexual". They see through this. Stick with the gruff.
• Look like a lumber jack. Maybe at least try to care about your apperance (contradictive, huh? Welcome to the female mind. They're crazy what can I tell you?)
• Agree with everything she says....
• Tell her she doesn't sweat much for a fat chick.
  
• And my all time personal favorite: when she kisses you, tell her that her breath stinks.

Pre-requisite

I wanted to share my recent findings. I was doing some research about the motorcycle course and here is what they suggest before starting the course:

Course Prerequisites

1. All students must possess a valid driver's license or motorcycle learner's permit.
2. Parental permission required if under the age of 19 (Minimum age to take our course is 17 years old - refer to Nebr. Drivers' Manual section 1B-7).
3. Complete the registration and waiver form
4. Prospective new motorcyclists are urged to practice riding on a bicycle prior to attending this course.

I suppose it makes sense in a way, but c'mon, if you don't know how to ride a bicycle why on earth would you assume you can learn how to ride a motorcycle?

So anyway, after I teach my daughter how to ride her bicycle without training wheels, I'll go learn how to ride my own bicycle.

What's wrong with music these days?

Ok, now they've gone and done it. I always knew that the day would come when Nirvana and Pearl Jam got labeled as classic rock. I knew it would make me feel old. I just didn't know that day would come so soon.

So, I just had my 26th birthday on Easter, which means I'm still in my mid 20's, albeit the last year. Next year I embark on the journey that is known as "late 20's", which I ponder, wasn't I just in my teens not so long ago, or at least my early 20's?

I know it's not old, but hey, it all goes downhill right? I mean 18 you can buy cigs, porno and get tatted up. 21 you can drink yourself into a coma at the bar if you want. 25, your insurance goes down (for six months anyway until you get a DUI). What is there left to look forward to? Retirement? I think not for my generation and beyond.

Senility is what we can look forward to. I've noticed over the last half decade that I hate 96% of what's on the radio. Compared to ten years ago, when I hated 66%.

My theory is that I'm starting to enter that phase where I will automatically hate whatever my daughter is listening to in 5 years. Unless of course it's whatever I listen to anyway, but that's highly unlikely.

I have, however been trying to corrupt her young mind and got her interested in drums and guitar. I wouldn't be a true rock and roll dad if I didn't. So, in case my ex is reading this: you're quite welcome.

Content

It was recently brought to my attention (again) that I swear too much. I've been told it makes you seem less credible and un-intellegent. I reply with a resounding: "So fucking what?!!!"

FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK,

I never get tired of defending that first amendment, especially since I'm one of the few people I know who actually did defend it and all the others. Ok, I'll stop pulling my vet card now. I'm so 12 but at least that way I'll never truly grow old.

How's that for content? I can just see the New York Times calling me and offering me a job soon.

Speak for yourself

I occasionally watch the news. The operative word is occasionally because, I don't do it on purpose. You see, when I go into the garage to have a smoke, the news is usually on the TV. And usually, the anchor will say something that will piss me off to no end, which is why I don't watch the news on purpose.

Now, I know what you're thinking: why don't you just change the channel? I would. But, I'm also a lazy bum and don't feel like walking up to the TV to change the channel to one of the latest reality shows.

Anyway, my latest rants on the news are these:

A few weeks ago that hot teacher violated her probation (or parole, I dunno I wasn't really listening) and before the story aired, they showed the mobile phone clip she sent....I'm glad I was watching then, but then the anchorman had to ruin it by talking in the first place, and then saying something along the lines of "you won't believe what you hear" and "it will shock you". To that I yelled at the TV, (because I knew he would hear me I suppose), "Bull shit! How do you know what I'll believe or will shock me?"

Then this morning, they found human remains in the park. The media is camped out in front of the family of a girl who has been missing for quite some time. Here's what that brainiac told me this morning: "There are over 500 people missing in this area, so the remains could be anybody."

Wrong! Rocket scientist. They don't belong to me. And if I had to hazard a guess I would say it's possible they could be one of those 500 missing, but then again what if they're remains from somewhere else and they just got dumped here. I'm sure that's what he meant, so maybe I'll just leave alone now.

Witty title goes here....

Well, ok. I was pretty dead on when I wrote in the first post that I would probably abandon this blog within two months. Pretty much the next day. But, it's May and I'm back. Not that you give a shit.

So, on with it now. A lot has happened since January. I'm still sober which is beyond me. I did start growing a beard again and have actually kept myself from scraping a cold razor across my face, also known as "caving and shaving". I kinda decided since it's suggested that I stay single during my first year of sobriety, I could use a little deterrent against the female species in an effort to stay single.

I'm pretty sure my theory of deterrent is correct because when I first shaved the goatee off into a big 70's mustache and stubble, I was in a chat room, minding my own fuckin' business when this dame messaged me and typed: "would you like to chat?" "sure", I typed. A little small talk out of the way and she types, "Hey, do you have a pic?" "sure", I replied. I sent a pic that was taken that very day and as soon as she accepted it, she stopped talking to me.

Blam! If that isn't evidence I don't know what is. A younger me would have felt quite rejected, but it was quite comforting to know that my thesis was actually starting to gain some merit. I also thought it was amusing that she was such a flaky superficial, especially since I was in a Christian chat room....

Another personality quantum leap I've made recently was this: I'm in the process of growing out my hair long. Since the day I got out of the Army on St. Patrick's Day last year, anyway. Well, I let the bangs go for a while and kept getting the sides and back tapered until December 05. Just the fact that I didn't buzz it off into a mohawk either means that I'm less impulsive or I'm maturing. I know I wasn't keeping my hair respectable looking in hopes of finding a job, since I was trying to start my own business.

Anyway, I got my last hair cut in December. I started working and this dame at work kept telling me I should cut my hair. A younger me would have done it in a heartbeat. I can attribute my endurance to keep growing to mostly laziness. It's just too much of a hassle to get out of the house just to go wait in line to get a hair cut that I don't really want.

I figure I was clean cut for 5 years in the Army, why can't I look like shit for awhile?

I doubt very much that it's a coincidence that Social Distortion's "Story of my life" is playing right at this exact moment. I'm also reading Hunter S. Thompson's "Rum Diary" which is pretty good. (Not exactly at this moment, I'm not that gifted).

This week, instead of a rock star, porn star, artist, or business tycoon, my newest goal is to be a CSI. Again, next week I'll probably want to be a pirate when I grow up. I'm 26 years old and going on 7 pretty soon.

Maybe by 30 I'll wake up and get a clue. Somehow I doubt it though....